Does Dating to Find ‘The One’ Make Any Sense?

By Alex Murashko, Special to ASSIST News Service

CHARLOTTE, NC (ANS – Feb. 13, 2016) -- If you are prone to one heartbreak after another when it comes to relationships it may be time to rethink the common belief that dating is about finding “the one” who will complete you, said author and pastor Naeem Fazal during a recent sermon.

Pastor Fazal once described himself a “young, brash, Pakistani Muslim,” whose life later changed radically when he gave his life to Christ, and he is now the pastor at Mosaic Church in Charlotte, NC.

“When it comes to dating, love, relationships, and marriage I think our expectations about marriage, our expectations about dating, finding the person, all that, we seem to be a little gullible, not really sensible,” says Fazal, in a video at https://youtu.be/2HyqRSH7jzE that shows his first message in a two-part series, “Match.Me,” at the church. “Because a sensible person, the scriptures says, watches their steps. I just want us to be sensible people and watch our steps.”

He explains further, “The first thing we think we need to do in getting into a relationship is to find the one. The second step is we fall in love. And then we put our hopes and dreams on that person, [i.e.,] They complete me or whatever. That’s the trend and then maybe, just maybe, it does not happen.

“If it doesn’t happen we go back to step one” and sometimes, tragically repeat the process over and over again, he said. “So many of us get into a relationship and it’s devastating.”

“This was the hardest talk for me, might be the most hopeful talk for you, if you are a single adult,” he added.

Fazal said there’s a better idea and discussed Bible verses Ephesians 5:1-2: “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.”

“The better, sensible plan would be instead of finding the one would be that you be the one. Step two might be that you live in God’s love. And step three is that you put your hope in God. That seems a little more sensible,” he said. “You put your hopes not in a person because that’s too much pressure for anybody. You put it on God.”

Fazal, who timed the release of his series with Valentine's Day said the first thing he would say in regards to the principle of being the one is that “you need to be whole.”

“If you are not whole then you will live your life trying to find someone to fill that void, fill that whole in your heart.”

He suggests that if you continue to move quickly from one relationship to another you will always be looking for someone to complete you rather than first realize you are loved by God and your hope is with Him.

He said that in a marriage, two complete people who are complete in God’s love “have more of a chance than anyone else.”

“Be super selective and be super patient. Date someone with shared values,” he said. “Stop the madness, don’t find the one.”

He concluded, “If you find yourself broken, God wants to heal you. He wants to put life back into you… when you are consumed in Him you don’t need anyone to complete you.”

Ideally, when two people are already in committed relationships with Jesus, “that’s the kind of people that when they come together it changes everything,” Fazal said.

Photo captions: 1) Naeem Fazal speaking during his presentation. 2) Alex Murashko.

About the writer: Alex Murashko, a regular ANS contributor, is currently working with One Ten Pictures as an associate producer, developing and working on projects that include stories about people and organizations making a difference in this world as ambassadors for Christ. He previously was a Church & Ministry Editor/Reporter for The Christian Post. He also worked at the Los Angeles Times Orange County Edition and at the Press Enterprise in its Southwest Riverside County bureau. Current projects include working with Homes of Promise, a non-profit that provides residential “restoration” homes for men in Southern California. HOP facilitates a safe, sober and Christ-centered housing environment for men in recovery. Murashko lives in Southern California, and enjoys serving within life recovery and homeless ministries. Los Angeles has a special place in his heart… as well as tacos and salsa! He can be contacted at alex@alexmurashko.com .

** You may republish this or any of our ANS stories with attribution to the ASSIST News Service (www.assistnews.net).